Monday, 12 December 2016
Mom.. So finally you are here...
O mom where were you? I couldn’t sleep well. I couldn’t eat well. I missed your warmth. I missed your smile, your love, your hug. I thought you would never come back. I would never be able to see your face and your smile. I am at peace now. Come here mumma, hug me again… Come to me. I can see you, I am just here in front of you with my arms open, come mumma.
O mom I know you are happier than I am. You are smiling, and your eyes are glittering, erupting all your love and emotions for your daughter. You are holding this pose because this moment is so precious for you, that you are scared if you move it will go. Freezing it all, standing still, you wanna keep looking at me, seeing how your little darling daughter has grown up and how much you have missed being with her. But mom I can’t wait to hug you. It’s been so long I touched you. So here I come running and ready to fall in your arms. Thank God you are back.
Bam!!!! Collides with the wall… an invisible transparent wall!
What is this wall in here, invisible! I am on one side and on the other side is my mom. And there’s some unrealistically beautiful person standing next to my mom, it said it is god!
So this God speaks to me “O Dear Child the rule of this universe is that everything here is endless, limitless, the more you learn the more you realize how little you know”. There’s no limit to your thoughts. I am not happy how you Humans think so limited. You have just restricted your thoughts wrapped in some combinations of 26 Alphabets.
Like you have these infinite never ending numbers, why do you just have 26 alphabets? whatever you think or speak are just made up of some alphabets. Lesser the alphabets, lesser the words, lesser the expression of thoughts!!
So here I give u a challenge, just speak a single word which can’t be written into these humanistic 26 alphabets of yours. One such word, and you can have your Mother in your world!
I stand there uneasy and restless trying to think something, yagleyshuvtoxoblahblahblah… but i can't utter a single word.. not even sound. I move my mouth helplessly crying and dying inside with the feeling of disability of not knowing a word that can break this wall and I ll have my mom again. I try But I couldn’t!! I am standing there silent, dumb and deaf, I watch my mom diminishing away and I feel like somebody has cut my hands and legs, and I can’t move or drag myself towards her, and just have to watch her go. I feel guilty I let her go.
Such Dreams hit me now and then. Some are so intense that I can feel the tension even after hours of waking up. I don’t know what dreams have to say to us. Its deep, weird, silly don’t know. Is it just what we are going through, our daily thoughts taking shape, or some message or all of these?
After you lose someone you could have never imagined your life without, days gets hard and lifeless. Even though you get strong and very strong, all coming days are not the same. Whenever there’s an exciting news u wanna share with that person u jump up to your phone and realize that person isn’t any more. Especially when that person is the one who brought you to this world, your parents.
I lost my mom at the age of 21, the age when moms are bestest friends to daughters, and so was mine. There’s nothing in this world that could prepare you for this. It is a larger blow in adulthood, at your just-into maturity age of 20s. My mom taught me how to smile through pain, to be forgiving, to be generous and loving.
Life goes on, but there are times even years later, you still breakdown like it happened yesterday.